bbspy

Why do you want to go into the Big Brother House?
I didn’t think I would want to but when the offer came, because my daughter is a teenager and it’s a cool programme, I thought it could be a bit of a laugh.

Are you nervous about being back in the limelight?
I am pretty nervous but I’m very excited. I think it will be fun. I’ve been doing my own bits and pieces. I do stand up and voice overs and I keep myself to myself, but this is going to be weird. It’s going to be weird that my daughter’s friends think I’m cool, hopefully, if I’m funny and not argumentative and don’t cry too much.

What does your daughter think about it all?
She has given me ten rules. I can’t remember what they all are but the first few are don’t embarrass me, don’t embarrass yourself, don’t sing to anybody, don’t hog the diary room. She said to try and be funny and I said, “What are you talking about? I’m hilarious!” She’s going to be 13 while I’m in the house. I’m not sure if she’ll watch. Dad is the boss of telly and I’d prefer it if she didn’t watch. I think she’s going to watch launch night because she wants to see if I’ll fall. I don’t wear heels but I’m going to attempt it and she said ‘I think you’re going to fall mummy!’

You’ve got a lot of TV experience. Does that mean this will be easier for you?
There is going to be no comfort in it whatsoever because I’ve never been filmed 24/7 before. It’s little things like you make a funny comment that you think is funny but then it’s misconstrued. I’m used to talking to camera and doing documentaries, but to be filmed 24/7 being me is terrifying to tell you the truth but it is quite exciting to meet these weird and wonderful people. But I’m not here to make friends, I don’t need any more friends. I’m 44, I’ve got enough friends thank you!

Does that mean you’re there to win?
It would be great if I win. I know it’s UK vs USA but I would like to win for Scotland! It’s part of the UK but I am proud of being Scottish and I want to bring it home for the Scots. Me, The Proclaimers, the Krankies…I’m very Scottish so I will hopefully do my wee hometown of Edinburgh proud. They’re having the festival and I’m going to miss it for the first time in years but I can go next year.

What else will you miss?
I’m quite a basic person so I won’t miss much. My daughter, friends and family and that is it. I’ve had great times and then I’ve been sofa surfing so I’m just happy that I have my house and my daughter. I don’t need anything. I don’t really need a hairbrush!

Will you be comfortable talking about your past problems with depression in the House?
I don’t mind talking about it in the house. Tabloids can bring it up in a way that sounds like I am totally depressed all the time, which is not the case. But if someone asks me about it I will be honest. I’ve been really happy for a really long time but everybody thinks oh my god she was depressed once so that is it. They don’t pick up on all the good things or positive things.

Any bad habits?
I am a little bit obsessive about cleaning. I will say, “Would you mind if I clean that up because it is doing my head in” or “can you put your shoes in a straight line?”. I just want things neat! I know it is going to be messy, I just don’t want people to be rude and not wash their plates.

Will it get competitive in there?
I think so. Everyone is going to be quite competitive. Us Brits will be quite laid back and the Americans will be in it to win it. It’ll be interesting because some people will go into it as a competition. I am going to go in thinking, “This is madness!” It will be quite competitive but I’m not going to join in, I’m just going to laugh.

It’s easy to get drawn into arguments. Will you avoid that or get stuck in?
I will try to avoid that as much as possible. If someone is getting bullied then I probably will step in because I don’t like bullies, but if it is just arguments about petty stuff I am just going to go somewhere else. I know there aren’t many places to go. I’ll just watch the telly, oh wait there isn’t one!

What reaction would you like when you come out?
I would like everyone to be happy and I would love them all to sing a Proclaimers song as I come out. In fact, if The Proclaimers were there that would be fantastic. They could be my plus two.

Who would you hate to see in the House?
There was someone who was in before so hopefully they won’t bring him in again – John McCririck. I don’t think I would like that at all. He seemed a bit rude. I don’t think I could deal with that. Anyone who is homophobic or racist, I would have a real problem with that. I do martial arts you know!

What do people want to talk about when they recognise you?
I was in a shop the other day and this guy came up and said, “You look like a really small Gail Porter”. Does he think I’m the size of the Houses of Parliament?

A lot of people come on the show to change public perception of them. Do you want to do that?
No. People come up to me all the time. I used to go to Sainsbury’s for 15 minutes but now I go for half an hour because everyone will have a chat. They’ve either had alopecia or depression. They think I’m their next door neighbour!

Do you expect to be in there for the long haul?
It’d be good if I was in there for the whole time and I’ve thought about it, known about it and worried about it for long enough so it would be a shame if I’m out within three days after all this worry. My daughter said to me, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I would love it if you’re in there for a long time because people will like you and you’ll make people laugh”.